#JustGiveMeAReason

Love you, Amy (and you’re right…)

Everything happens for a reason… I honestly used to believe that phrase was a load of cow poo. The phrase made me question fate and free will. I always thought if things were connected, how would we be able to break the thread and choose our own adventure? And did everything have to have some sort of reasoning behind it?

I’m starting to see that maybe I am wrong…

In November, I had a pap smear that came back abnormal. My doctor called and recommended that I get a colposcopy done, as he thought he found precancer cells during my exam. So next week, I have an appointment to get my lady parts examined and biopsied (this will be another blog post but I’d like to note that I’m absolutely terrified). Since October, I’ve been questioning my decision of move to Austin. It’s been a struggle these last four months but over the weekend, I finally realized why I am here, my reason,  maybe my Texan purpose. Back in Nevada, I didn’t have proper health insurance and with the small amount of take-home pay I did have, I focused on my mental health and dental issues. With my job here, I have great health insurance and I am taking full advantage of it- which meant going to get my hoohah checked out. I’ve been thinking to myself, if I didn’t come out to Texas, I wouldn’t have my insurance. If I didn’t have insurance, I probably wouldn’t have gone to the OB/GYN. And if I didn’t see the doctor, they wouldn’t have found the possible cancer cells. And if those cells weren’t discovered, I could have full blown cancer in my late 30s.

Funny how one thing effects another, right?

I’ve been talking to the Universe a lot lately (I know IT as the “Universe” but maybe you call IT “God” or “George” or whoever), asking for guidance. The Universe and I haven’t spoken to each other much in the past but I’m ever so slowly learning how to listen to it when it beckons and trust the direction it’s pushing me to. Absolutely everything doesn’t have some life-changing or defining rational behind it. But I’m finally starting to see that down the line, somewhere in the future, somewhere in the unknown, something else happens that’s so wonderful/healthy/good, that it’s only then that you realize it would have never come to fruition had you not suffered that earlier moment (happy or sad) in the first place.

Do you believe things happen for a reason, dear reader? And if you ever had a colposcopy done, what can I expect?

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